Last night had my first ICU shift that is part of senior clinical! All in all it went pretty well. My preceptor Kyle is great, he’s super laid back AND he knows his shit. Last night I took one patient- an 88 y.o woman who was recovering from and Aortic Valve Replacement (AVR). To me she did not seem to be super critically ill but it was cool to some experience working with EKG’s (especially since i just got ACLS certified). Actually now that I think about it she was a load and a half. She had three chest tubes one mediastinal and two pulmonary. She also had a ventricular epicardial pacer which was neat to play with. I was able to turn it off and on in order to see her underlying heart rhythm which was a bradycardic junctional rhythm. While kyle said I did not have to chart for this clinical I still went ahead and did it. EICU is not too difficult and I feel I need to be in tip top shape in terms of charting when I am good and ready to graduate. The shift itself (5p-5a) was not so bad– yet. I didn’t really feel like I was missing sleep or anything, the shift actually flew by. Everyone seemed to be impressed that I actually chose a night shift … which is interesting, since it seems a lot less hectic than days.

Two things that struck me last night was the fact that there are a lot of SICK people around. The woman in the next bed was really messed up. Im not sure what her Dx was but every few hours her nurse and my preceptor went on blood cleanup duty. She had some sort of Stevens-Johnson Syndrome going on and seemed to be bleeding a lot..from everywhere. The woman was really quite sick and at one point I thought I was going to have a chance to participate in my first Code.

The other thing was that I ran into a former SSU student who was actually working at the hospital. This was only odd for the fact that I remember seeing her doing her senior clinical at PVH when I was a baby nurse in my first year- wow- I just might actually make it through this thing.

Another great weekend in Tahoe- While our plans for saturday were washed out by rain and a late start- we were still able to get to Northstar by about 2 and got a chance to ride the bike park! The bike park was a kick in the pants. I’ve done plenty of MTN biking but downhilling at resort is a completely different animal. Larry and I demo’ed a couple of Norcos; funny geometry but very ridable. Still- I plan to get another Heckler at some point. Blue runs were the call for the day, but at a certain point I just had to try Livewire which is a fast smooth black diamond run with several large jumps along the way. Unfortunately Niels took a spill while trying to take a large hit– it turned out to be his last run of the day as he sprained his ankle pretty bad. All in all it was a great time and i was especially happy to see that Larry liked it so much… Cant wait to go again.

This evening I was out with some friends and one of them mentioned that “that for the first 12 years of their relationship they slept in a double bed”. While at first that struck me as odd, what hit me harder was the fact that they had been together for 12 years. The fellow that told me this did not strike me as much different from myself, and I began to wonder why my longest relationship was almost 5 years (really should have been 3 at most), and further why it seems to be so hard to attain a similar level of intimacy/stability with one person in my own life. I could twist myself up plenty thinking of the whys or why nots but what really scares me is the idea that once one hits a certain age, one tends to carry on much as they have in the past. It terrifies me to think about perpetually repeating past behavior.

I had an interesting talk with S today about the “fortress of solitude”… rather, the walls that people put up around themselves for one reason or another. Just when it seems like I have finally started to realize what mine are and begin the dismantling process, anyone that I am interested in getting closer with (anyone WORTH getting closer with) seem to be putting up or hitting their head against their own… Curious. Ultimately, I have found that being happy is ones own responsibility, looking to and depending on external sources, for me, has always had disastrous results. Why then, can’t begin to take my own advice?

To my summer break- and I’m ready to go back to school! Sorta… While I enjoy getting up relatively late, and lazing around in boxers with coffee until I make my way to the gym, I am eager (almost desperate) to finish up with school. I start my internship next week and while that will keep me busy- it’s unpaid and my hours at the clinic are few and far between. Its definitely going to be a lean summer. I’ve started to snoop around for some web jobs and hopefully will be able get an additional income stream.

Another year of nursing school down. Hard to believe its been a full two years since I started (and nearly 4 if you count the time I spent on prerequisites). While I can’t say its been “fun”, I have learned an incredible amount both in my chosen field but about myself as well. With six months to go until graduation I can say that I’m really glad it will be over soon. Being a student again at age 36 and having to depend on other folks to get through this is both heartening as well as frustrating. I think what has been hardest is the isolation of living so far away from friends and family. SF is only an hour away, but the logistics of getting there and back for visits and keeping my studies and clinical rotations in line has been no small task. Nonetheless, soon i’ll graduate and things will get more or less back to normal.

I just got an email today about my senior preceptorship (residency) over the summer. I will be in the Intensive Care Unit at a Sonoma County Trauma center. As far as I can tell I will have a Murse as my preceptor, which is an added bonus! Quite happy about this as not many students get to go to a specialty area for preceptorship. I am kinda counting on this to help me find a job in ICU when I graduate…which I hear is hard to do for new grads.

I must be busy cause I’m on winter break and as strange as it may seem im just finally getting round to reading blogs, and thinking about what’s on the horizon– As usual I am rushed– have to be at work in about 40 minutes. Even though im on winter break ive done a good job of filling my time by taking an internship at Tahoe Forest Hospital. Im not complaining- Im learning so much and its great to not have instructors hovering over you. SOOOO Quick update- I am now in my second year of nursing school. This time next year i’ll be finishing up. I’ve been able to keep my grades up– with the exception of women’s health which I got a B in DANG! I’m kind of head over heels for a guy that I met about 8 months ago. we’re spending lots of time together alas it feel like its never enough.

Shock Doctrine - Naomi Klein
Guns, Germs, Steel - Jared Diamond,
The Possibility of an Island - Michel Houellebecq,
The Assault on Reason - Al Gore
Redemption Song: Muhammad Ali and the Spirit of the Sixties by Mike Marqusee
Blackwater - Jeremy Scahill
Hegemony of Survival - Noam Chomsky
Class War: The Attack On Working People - Noam Chomsky

So I have been in Alaska for the past 10 days or so- It has been great. I meant to keep a journal while i was riding my bike around but my plans changed when i got here–and i never bought a notebook to write in. I figure a recount of the stay will do just as well.

I got here a day before the solstice where there is close to 20 hours of daylight a day. The sun never really goes down, it just sinks behind the mountains for a bit and then rolls back around around 3:30.

Susan, Rae, Colleen and I loaded the truck, camper, and horse trailer with supples for a three day pack trip. We drove 6 hours from Wasilla to the Kenai Peninsula where Colleen and Susan had a competitive horse ride thing in Ninilchik. Rae and I drove to Homer; she to visit family and I to ride my bike.

I did about a 30 mile ride in and around Homer- of course the ride up the ridge was filled with stunning views of what I think were the Chugach mountains. Along the way I nearly ran into a cow moose that was grazing alongside the road- She was HUGE and she had two calves with her. I quickly pulled to the the other side of the street to snap a picture. I was able to get a few before she noticed me- ears flat and breathing thru her nose– at which point I quickly hopped back on my bike and rode on. I finished the ride by riding the length of the Homer Spit